Chapter 1.1: To All Good Things

(excerpt two of three)

     Will watched Lily absorbed in her routine as she pressed her hair in her towel, their exertion gradually subsiding. She breathed in and out in rapid rhythm, her slight, round breasts plainly visible in every temperate detail through her soaked, diaphanous little shirt... in, out... in, out... in out... in...

     His breathing quieted down even as hers did. If my eyes were lips, I could kiss her like this, he imagined wistfully. That will be the only way I ever will, I guess...

     As if glimpsing a glimmer of his secret desire, she looked at him, and smiled warmly. "What you thinking about, little man?"

     Amid the jumble of feverish thoughts that overheated his mind, and caught by surprise by her query, he could only come up with, "Waters pretty cold, huh?" He smiled gamely, raising his eyebrows in a way that would be considered lecherous in an older man. He wasn't either of those, but that point was lost on her upon his transmission.

     Her eyes opened wide, the bright blue seeming to darken a little as if clouding over. Her hands quickly rose to yank her tank top away from her skin. "Listen, little mister," she scolded, "dont you worry about what I'm feeling!" She smacked water into his eyes, letting him know that he wasn't in trouble. But he got the message.

     He wiped his face with his hands, trying to hide his embarrassment. "Oh God, did I say that out loud?"

     "Yeah you did." She threw a towel at his face and resumed drying herself off with her own, rubbing her legs vigorously, chuckling as she did so. "Men," she muttered, and laughed again, cynically, but gently.

     Despite his chagrin, the sound of it pleased him, like a melody wafting across the lake toward the trees, as if an exotic and beautiful birdsong. When she stopped, it died away too soon for him. He suddenly wanted to explain, to let her know how he felt for her, so that she might absolve him; so that she wouldn't laugh at him, but with him once more...

     "I'm sorry, Lil, but you're just so pretty. Inside and on the outside, I mean. I - I mean," he stammered, "-I just wish you were mine!"

     "Oh, Willie... I am yours," she replied earnestly, melting him with her warm unwavering gaze. "You know I'd do anything for you!"

     "Anything?" It was much too sly for his intent, but even so, the inkling was obvious. "Um, I didnt mean -"

     Oh boy, she thought, we need to have a talk. Again. A mixture of resentment and compassion wrestled with her composure. He's growing up so fast...

     "Listen, William," she said in her I-mean-business voice. He looked at her with such frightened eyes that they threatened to weaken her will, but she needed to keep him grounded. And she hated to. "I'm your legal guardian. Your parents entrusted you into my care. What do you think the authorities would do if they thought anything was up between us? Take you away, that's what."

     Will squirmed in discomfort as she laid it on him, and he took his verbal beating.

     "Besides," she added, "you know I'm a lot older than you, right? You're a minor, and you know what that means: I'm not for-" But his tormented face pained her to see, let alone have to inflict on him; she couldn't finish it off. She just sighed, "You need someone your own age, Sweetie."

     "I don't like anyone my own age," he murmured under his breath. "I like you."

     Lily felt her heart breaking, but she persisted. She had a job to do, a mission; it was a responsibility, an obligation. She strained at the constraints of being bound, knowing that mercy required her to shoot him down. It was either hurt him now, or crush him later. She just said, "We can't."

     He reacted as if struck in the face, but said nothing, not willing to give his tormentor the satisfaction of seeing his pain. Not that he expected that his Lily would take that role; it was just how he'd learned to survive in the dungeon of his parents, long ago.

     Observant Lily noted this. She sighed heavily, and changed subjects, if not their course. "And another thing: You're making me uncomfortable staring at my boobs as if you've never seen them before. They look like they always have. And so does everything else. So, knock it off! Okay?"

     He looked as if he were about to cry. She'd seen that expression often enough in their time together, though he rarely did. Over the line, she thought ruefully. It must be so hard for him, poor little guy... I've got to remember that.

     She dropped her tone two notches. "Aw, Willie," she cooed, relenting. "Oh, I am being mean, aren't I?" Gently, she touched his knee, and forced him to look in her eyes. He stifled a single sob, but bravely returned her gaze, eyes quavering. "I love you Will, but I've got to see that you're taken care of first; to know what's possible and what just isn't. That's for the best, right?" She gave his knee a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "I really do, William."

     He nodded somberly. "I'm sorry, Lily. I won't do it again." He pounded his thigh with his fist. "I just can't help myself! What's wrong with me?" His mournful gaze dropped to his feet. "I mean, why..."

     She took his hands and lightly shook them, trying to release him from his burden. "Hey, buddy." She waited until he raised his sorrowful eyes to hers. "It's all right," she comforted him. "It's okay if you look at me, okay? I don't mind; I love to feel your affection. But you're getting to that age where you need to be checking your desires, or they're going to lead you to a whole world of pain." She folded his hands together like wings, pressed them to his chest, and held them there. "I don't ever want to hurt you, Willie," she half-whispered. "It would kill me."

    "Me too. About you, I mean," he said quietly. "But if you'd do anything for me you would stay with me then. Don't make me go back to them. Please."

     She could not answer, reassure, or comfort him over his heartfelt and futile plea. "Oh, Willie... you know I have no control over that." She fumbled with her towel, looked away from him, and murmured, "I would love that more than anything, but..."

     "I know. We can't. I remember." He dropped his shoes to the wooden bottom of the boat with a thud, and began shoving his feet into them. "Sorry."

     " Yeah," she whispered, "me too."

     She watched him surreptitiously as he struggled with his sneakers, slowly and deliberately tying them to his feet, lost in his turgid thoughts. Straight blond hair and green intense eyes, he had sensuous lips and a small delicate nose. Almost feminine, she mused, like an angel. He'll be a real heartbreaker when he grows up. As if he isn't enough already...

     Somewhat on the skinny side, and slight when she'd retrieved him, he was now developing a healthy physique under her devoted care. His long arms and legs still seemed wrong for his body though; the black tank top and beige shorts barely contained him. The sharpie-marked sneakers looked too big for his feet; well scribbled-on in blue and black ink, they served as his traveling notebooks for his rocky road while growing up.

     What a sweetie, she thought with a lump in her heart. He's so crazy about me, but why? I'm such a basket case! Lily would be the first to admit that she understood little of men, but they didn't concern her, anyway. There was only Will, and that was enough. Too bad we're so far apart...

     However, that possibility and any other relations were beyond her boundaries. There was neither time in her thoughts for dalliance, nor a place in her life for relationships. She knew her responsibility, and was determined to take care of her charge until... Until it ends, she thought with foreboding. They would be parting soon, and she knew that this was inevitable. But, what then?

     Now she had her own apprehension to address. She draped the towel over her head like a shawl, and considered her options, which were none. I'll be leaving; that's what then... Again.

     As if seeking a distraction for them both, Will interrupted her reverie. "Too bad we spent all that time at the church today; we could have been out here longer," he complained. "Why'd we have to go there, anyway? We never do at home."

     Relieved for the reprieve, Lily replied, "I wanted to see the old mission of San Luis Obispo; it's like the one near your grandmother's house, in Mission Dolores. And since we were there, I thought I'd stop in and say Hello," she explained. "It never hurts to say hello, even if you don't ever go. Speaking of which, where did you go while I was inside?"

     "Just outside. You took forever."

     "I had a lot to talk about, Will. Sorry."

     "You're weird," he laughed. "How can you converse if no-one talks back? You know they say that talking to yourself is a sign of impending mental collapse, right?"

     "Yeah, I've heard that one too," she replied, and shrugged at him. "It's not so crazy. You never know Who might be listening."

     "Good luck getting an answer, then," he muttered. "But why go on our last day of vacation? We lost the whole morning," he grumbled, "Total waste of time. You're not even religious at all, now that I think about it."

     "You can be spiritual without being religious," she countered, "besides, I'm not into all that organization, dogma, and ritual. To me, there's only one Law, and it's just Love. It's sweet and simple. You don't need a church, threats, or fear to believe in and to follow it."

     "How is that a law?"

     "It's a natural Law; it's how things work," she explained, "You just live it."

     "Sounds too vague to me. No wonder no one's interested in that stuff," he said dismissively. "As if we don't already have enough rules."

     "It's the Golden one, you've heard of that," she chided him, "I've told you. It's what Jesus taught. One rule; everything follows it. Just love, and live well."

     "I can do that," he said with confidence. "I already do."

     "Good," she smiled, "I know you do. Anyone can."

     "I wish they would then. The world would sure be a better place, huh?"

     "Yeah, we can hope," she said. "And the reason we haven't gotten into it before is that your parents specified that you weren't to be influenced until you could make up your own mind about what to believe."

     "I don't want to hear a bunch of ancient historical writings. I just want to believe in the Truth, about... Him, I guess, or It."

     "We can't know what that is, Will. That's part of the deal, down here."

     "I didnt sign up for any deal."

      "I didn't either, yet here we are, dealing with it. We have to have faith that Love is the Law. It feels right, doesn't it?"

     He considered this, then asked, "Where can we find the proof that it works, then? How do we know? If it even exists; if He even does?"

     "It's all inside, Willie."

     "In our soul?"

     "Our... yes, I suppose; maybe our heart? That's where I try to feel Him, because that's where I feel love. It must be the place."

     "I thought you believed?"

     "I have faith. I just don't feel like I need to prove it, because asking for evidence is so futile. I just know He's there, or It is or Something is... that loves us all, as we should do with each other."

     "You aren't really convincing me."

     "I'm not trying to."

     "If you really talked with him, that would be some proof," he scoffed.

     Lily squirmed in her seat; she felt as if being interrogated by The Inquisition. Will seemed genuinely interested despite his skepticism, and she always had sought to quench his thirst. However, she found it difficult to confide her insecurities to him. "I, I just know it's true. I just can't connect with Him. It's as if I've forgotten somehow, or I lost Him somewhere; stopped trying before, or something." She dropped her head briefly as if searching in all of those possible hiding places on the inside, and came up empty, again. "Or, maybe he did, about me."

     "The Big Guy can't forget," Will chided, "at least, that's what they always say. He's perfect, right?" After struggling internally for a moment, he asked, "But, what if I can't believe in Him? Does that mean I'm supposed to go to hell or something?"

     Lily quickly looked up at him, forgetting about her own concerns. "Oh, Sweet  William," she murmured with affection. She waited until he finally glanced at her, as he always did at his mother's pet name for him, and then said with sincere gentility, "You're the best guy I've ever known. If there is a hell, it isn't for people like you. Don't even think that, okay?"

     His face broke into that bashful grin of his that tickled her so. "Okay, Lil; thanks. I just don't want to piss Anyone off. If he even cares."

     "I'll bet he cares about you," she smiled. "Tell you what: I have some books at home that you might enjoy. At least your choices can be informed ones; what do you think? If you want," she added. "You're almost eighteen; you need to make some decisions for yourself about your very bright future. I think your parents would agree."

     "I'll check 'em out," he replied. "It's good to have choices." His glow faded swiftly at the prospect of his very dim future, as he saw it. "I only have so much time before I won't be able to..." His voice trailed off even as his eyes pinned her with sorrow. His fears came to the fore, and he blurted, "That day's going to come soon isn't it? Everything's ending; when I have to go home." Wringing his hands without realizing it, he entreated her, "I don't want to leave you, Lily. It'll be bad; real bad."

     The sadness on his pleading face when he raised the inevitable subject yet again struck her deep. She winced and had to drop her eyes so that he wouldn't spot her distress. She raised her hand to her brow and murmured, "Willie, don't..."

     "I don't want us to part!"

     "Me neither, okay? Let's just see what happens." Lily knew very well what was going to happen, had to happen, and would always have to happen. She knew it when she signed for him. She shrouded the towel around her head and covered her hair and face, the blackness blotting everything out. That's how deals seal you in...